Empowering Women through
pregnancy and child loss.
United Mothers of Loss is a charitable foundation for mothers who have experienced the loss of a child. The organization provides a safe space for mothers to share their grief, find support, and connect with others who have experienced a similar loss. United Mothers of Loss aims to break the silence and stigma surrounding child loss and empower mothers to find strength and healing in their journey. If you’re a mother who has experienced the loss of a child, or if you know someone who has, United Mothers of Loss offers online support groups and other resources to help you navigate the grieving process.
Remember, you are not alone in your grief, and there is support available to you.
A message from our founder: I am the creator and founder, Diane Cassi. I want to go over a little about my loss and what inspired me to start the start the United Mothers of Loss Foundation. To start with, all humans, regardless of race, gender, religion, or any other difference between them, will experience loss at one time or another. Loss of a job, loss of a friendship, and most painfully, loss of a loved one. These things are experienced by all humans. It is an unfortunate part of life. As painful as each of these losses can be, there is one that trumps them all: the loss of a child. And the tragic truth is that it happens so much more often than you probably realize. Statistically speaking, one out of every four pregnancies results in the loss of the baby, and that includes the deaths of infants prior to their first birthday. One in every four. That is heartbreaking. I am a lost mom. I lost my first baby when I was only three months pregnant. I remember being admitted to the postpartum maternity floor in our hospital, surrounded by mommies who had just given birth to their healthy babies, as I waited to “pass” my dead one. It was awful. As I lay there crying through the feeling that I’d somehow failed my child, I was accompanied by the wails of beautifully healthy babies. Adding insult to injury, the doctors and nurses attempted to console me, letting me know not to worry and that I was “young and can have more babies.” After I passed my child, I was discharged home with a squeeze water bottle, a pat on the ass, and a “See you in 6 weeks to make sure that everything is good.” And worst of all was the fact that once I was home, life was just supposed to go back to normal, like I’d never been pregnant at all. No one talked about it, and those who knew what’d happened avoided the topic like the plague. Never mind the fact that I was bleeding like crazy and my hormones were everywhere. I had just had a baby, after all!! And my mind? My mind was swimming, having no idea what to say to my heart, which was, of course, in a bazillion tiny pieces. Unfortunately, my baby was not the last baby I would lose. For reasons I’ll never understand, I have been forced to suffer the loss of my children several times. Destiny Nicole was my sweet baby girl that I lost at 20 weeks of gestation, and God only knows why I lost her. She would’ve been 21 years old this year, April 13, 2021. It’s the hardest thing for me to even think about. I loved my baby girl with all my heart, and I kept nothing from her loss. I mean nothing! How could I do that?! Why did I do that? When I lost her, I wanted nothing to remind me, and I even tried to do everything to forget for so many years, even though only a few people knew I was pregnant. The nurse brought her over to me several times, and I just kept saying no to her. I blamed myself for losing my child. MY BODY FAILED ME (I told the nurses this). Although these nurses were very comforting and shockingly nonjudgmental of my decisions with my angel, they were very supportive. I was never given any real answers as to why I lost this beautiful child so far into my pregnancy, and for so many years all I wanted to do was simply forget because to even mention this, especially back in 2000, was just not a thing, right? I was going through a divorce, and I was not completely on my own two feet. Let’s just say the situation was not the best, and I feared what would be said and done by others. My life then was not good. I’m sure even bringing this up now most people are going to be shocked because the only place I ever mentioned Destiny Nicole is in my Loss Group. Pregnancy Loss, Stillbirth, and Miscarriage Support Group, and by my favorite tree. I have a place I went and still go to talk to Destiny, and I have always gone to that same tree each year and released balloons for her every year on April 13th. Finally, I had a place to actually speak of my sweet destiny without judgment or worry. There is a stigma surrounding pregnancy and child loss that makes it so much harder to bear. You’re expected for life to just continue on, even though your world has completely stopped spinning. For many Loss Mamas, the world around them may not even know you’ve been pregnant at all, since most losses occur so early in pregnancy, but YOU knew. You knew that there was a baby growing, even if only for a few days. And now that baby is gone. But no one wants to hear about them. Because to talk about it means you’re “feeling sorry for yourself” and “wallowing in your own self-pity.” We’re often made to feel like no one wants to hear about the loss we feel, and so we bury the pain. In 2017, I started a Facebook group called Pregnancy Loss, Stillbirth, and Miscarriage Support Group for other women like myself. A place that other Loss Mamas could use as a sort of “safe haven.” Somewhere they would be welcomed with open arms, where they were not only able to share their story but encouraged to do so. They were welcome to share pictures of their angel babies, no matter what stage of development they were in at the moment they went forth from this world. I knew just how monumental the pain of losing my baby was, and I remembered how alone I felt going through it. I made it my personal mission when I opened the group to always provide women with a safe place to share their stories and/or talk to others who’ve felt the same pain, and that’s a mission I still carry on to this day. I made strict rules that protect my grieving Mama’s from having to endure happy pregnancy announcements and positive pregnancy tests since they can bring on a wave of grief that threatens to overtake you. I want the entire world to understand that it’s OK to not be OK! It’s OK to talk about your baby, even if it makes people uncomfortable to think about it. To acknowledge their existence is to acknowledge their importance, and if to no one else, they will always be important to you! I never expected the group to expand the way it has, with almost 28,000 members! I’ve had to branch out and rely on the help of a lot of amazing ladies to run the group, and I couldn’t do it without your help. I’m hoping that through this website I’ll be able to give people more information about the loss of their child(ren), help people understand the grieving process, and, more importantly, break the silence and stigma surrounding child loss. I want to leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Dr. Seuss himself: “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” ~ Dr. Seuss